Ever had those days when you finish something big, on-going and stressful and wake up the next morning not knowing what to do with yourself? I had that experience on Saturday and have not gotten over the effects of it yet. Even working in my yard this morning was cut short because I feel so unsettled. Last Friday, I finished the final edit of my life history--over 500 pages--and then spent seven hours trying to get it self-published on Amazon in both Kindle and print form. It's been three years since I published a book and because this one had a few pictures in it, the layout issues those pictures brought by jumping from page to page on the Kindle version nearly drove me crazy. I finally resolved the problem by leaving any commentary on the them completely out.
Now I hate not being able to do something so seemingly easy, but I figured the book was written for my family and I had several purposes for doing it--like helping my younger brothers and sisters know what it was like to grow up with daddy since he died when I was thirteen and my youngest sister was only thirteen months old. Next, I wanted my children to have an explanation of sorts as to why they saw such a disconnect between their parents and why my fear of my ex-husband stopped me from standing up for all of us the way I would have liked to do. Abuse in all its insidious forms can really mess people up--even to the point of imminent nervous breakdowns--especially if it has been lifelong events in one form or another. I also wanted whomever might read any of it to know that the only way I survived most of my life was due to my complete love and trust in my Savior and my Heavenly Father. (Autobiography- NOT SO BROKEN NOW by JS Ririe.)
It does my heart good to see Christians around the world working together in standing up for the principles Christ's earthly ministry taught, but even more important to my spiritual growth is coming to more fully recognize the value and scope of Christ's Atonement. I'm not sure I will ever fully comprehend its majesty, magnificence or all He suffered for the things I alone have caused or been asked to endure. But when I think about the billions and billions of people whose sins it covers, I truly stand all amazed at the love Jesus has for me. If you want to read an amazing book about the Savior's last week on earth look for The Savior's Final Hours by Andrew Skinner. He talks about customs of the day, the part of the Atonement that was covered in the Garden of Gethsemane and how He was able to make it through the final hours on the cross. He even talks about the importance of every word Christ uttered while hanging there.
My eyes filled with many tears just reading what I have and there is still half of it to go, but it helps me recognize just a little more how lucky I am to have been taught certain truths and know where I came from, why I am here and where I will be going once my mortal eyes close for good. It also helps me better understand the role I have to play during my final hours on earth and before our Savior's most triumphant return.
The past few months especially have helped me see more clearly how prophesy is fulfilled each day. I know many people condemn what is happening in the Middle East, but I see it as a glorious fulfillment of God's promise to His children in the Old Testament. Something major has to happen so the Jews can return home and rebuild their temple for Christ's return, even though they have yet to believe He has already been here. I pray for President Trump, all the patriots, members of the armed forces and those who want freedom so much they are willing to do anything necessary to have it. The gift our country is trying to give to people throughout the world is amazing, but it saddens me greatly that so many people in our country have been too blinded by hatred to see what a glorious time we are living in.
The things I have read and heard about during the past weeks with communist mayors, governors and members of congress are truly chilling. How can Americans who love liberty and understand even a little about our history be okay with flags of other countries and those that promote the killing of babies or mutilating our youth to fly in public places in their cities and counties? How can they chant death to the duly-elected president of our country and every Christian in our nation and feel like they are on the right path when nothing but hatred fills their hearts? Yes, we are a country of immigrants, but until the last twenty or thirty years those coming here had to be fully vetted, learn to speak English and take a test for citizenship before ever having that honor.
They came here because the love of freedom ran so deeply in their hearts they were willing to give up everything they had to be free from the tyranny of the governments they were under. Most all my ancestors fall into that category. They left their homes, families, jobs and everything they held dear to come to America so they could build lives and fulfill dreams that were undermined at every turn in their countries of origin. My prayers of thanksgiving for their love, determination and sacrifice run deep because THIS IS MY COUNTRY and I stand by all they held dear because that's how I feel about America too.
While we have not be been perfect, we were founded on Christian principles and started out with the most divinely-inspired constitution on the planet. Our ancestors fought bloody battles on our own shores to keep despotic regimes and rulers who believed the common man had no rights at bay and give us more than any other people on earth. To see anyone rise up in open-opposition to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as free people and tout what they call the virtues of Socialism and Communism makes my nose tickle with tears that soon come. And all the those who shout Death to America should find some place else to live because if they love what their countries of origin stand for so much, then why are they here?
And why have people who have been raised with every opportunity to learn, work and grow be willing to throw freedom away for some poultry sum of money that will only last as long as the evil men and women who want to be in charge of the whole world allow it? Why have our history books been changed to show America as being an evil entity when its only goal--despite some truly despicable leaders--has been to promote peace and personal freedom around the world? Why can people in other countries shout for joy when we step in to help them override evil rulers while people in our own country, who have received blessings too numerous to count, do nothing but say hateful things about the United States and try to persecute or prosecute anyone who opposes the New World Order they so vehemently defend?
It makes no sense to me, except when I remind myself that Satan will be given the chance to do his worst before our Savior's return. And I see evidence most everywhere of his evilness being accepted by numerous hosts of people everyday. My thoughts for hope as we help usher in our Savior's return always go back to complete belief and trust in my Savior and my God. They created this world and everything in it. They knew who would follow God's plan and who would join Satan's forces and yet their desire is for everyone to recognize the truth and turn away from sin.
I listen to the news coming from the Middle East each day and try to remain calm because I know God is in charge. He will triumph in the end and I want to be on HIs side when the final battle comes. But like everyone else, I have moments of doubt, mostly because I'm not sure I will have the strength or courage to stand up and fight for truth and righteousness as I should. I'm not a fan of pain, displacements, ridicule or persecution and yet I know those days are coming. All of these masses of people who have come to America only to destroy will be unleashed one day and when they are the burning, killing, looting and destruction will be far worse and more widespread than anything we have encountered yet. Will any of us be able to stand in face of such evilness?
I believe we will if our hearts are centered on our Savior and our God. I look for the good around me each day because the bad is in my face all the time and it is easy to lose perspective. I even get scared sometimes because there is such a shortage of water here in the Rocky Mountains and we've had a hard frost that ruined so many of the crops this year. But I have hope as I have try to prepare for the coming challenges that I will be okay and still be able to help my family, neighbors and friends in the process. What a blessing it is to have been chosen to be here on earth during this marvelous time. Miracles are happening around us each day, even if we don't see them. But as I pledge my heart to do what I know is right, I feel a renewal of optimism that things are unfolding as they must and I can be strong enough to stand with my Christian brothers and sisters no matter where in the world they live. Our trials here might be harsh for a time but returning home to God will be glorious indeed.
